Gay Bars

In a small town there may be only one gay bar. If you go to it , you’re making an open declaration of your homosexuality. The straight townspeople may see you entering, and the gay clientele will immediately recognize you. The bar itself will probably be more chummy than sexual. There will be a regular crowd night after night, joking and socializing, and the atmosphere is likely to be warm, permissive, and lively.

In smaller towns and cities there may only be one bar catering to gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, transsexuals, and transgendered people. These bars generally have a cozier, homier scene and might be more frequented by younger gays still feeling out their precise sexuality. These bars usually combine the resources and assets of a cruise bar, dance bar, and coffee shop.

In a big city, gay bars are far more numerous, anonymous, and specialized. A young dance crowd will go to one; older men will frequent another. In one, the latest fashions are on display; in another, outfits will be more casual or punkier; in another, body piercing and tattoos will predominate and be deemed erotic; while another bar may be given over to chaps, engineer boots, and black motorcycle jackets. There are also neighborhood bars somewhat like the ones in small towns, bars for post-retirement-age men, bars arranged around a piano where a singer belts out musical numbers and others join in, bars kept dim or with specific darker rooms where men can neck and grope each other, in effect “trying out the merchandise” before leaving together. If you’re just entering the bar scene or if you’ve just moved to a new city, you’ll need to scout around. Local gay newspapers (“bar rags”), the Gayellow Pages, and Damron’s Guides usually list bars, along with codes explaining any specialization.

There’s not much to do in bars except drink, talk, and in some cases play pool, watch old movies, and dance. And, of course, cruise. Once you become known in a bar, people will probably gossip about you; you’ll find you have a reputation, and even your sexual tastes will become common knowledge. Though this may strike you as intrusive, it does have a practical advantage: The men who approach you are more likely to be compatible. If the typecasting becomes annoying, move on to a new bar. If you’re traveling, it pays to visit a gay bookstore first and buy an up-to-date bar guide. Visiting gay bars in other countries or communities is fascinating: It’s the fastest way to learn different gay customs. As a foreigner, you are often at a distinct advantage in gay bars, being exotic, as well as a new face. Local gay men interested in trying new sexual experiences will attach themselves to you, knowing that their experimentation will probably not become known to their friends. It used to be that gay Europeans pounced on gay Americans because they were said to give better blow jobs.

That’s less true today, but often Americans abroad find themselves enlisted into kink, which they’re supposedly more open to and experienced in. Likewise, Germans and the Dutch have a reputation for S/M and leather. Many Mediterranean gay bars have back rooms similar to those in the USA in the 1960s and 1970s where men have sex together on the premises. Be aware of personal and sexual safety in these back rooms. They’re rife with pickpockets.

In Asia, Africa, and South America, foreigners in gay bars should be advised on specific local customs, counseled against accepting drugs or drinks from locals. Horror stories about being doped, robbed, beaten, and worse are not uncommon. Of course, one advantage to being gay is that it doesn’t matter where you go. You can establish an almost instant rapport with others like yourself.